As a Democrat, I am well acquainted with the profound emptiness that loss brings. Political impotence is never a comfortable state to endure, so I have taken a moment to compile some advice to help guide you through that expanse of doubt before you.
While it might seem sensible to change nothing and continue on the same course, it is not. Apparently, when “the people” request “change,” they mean it. With dullard Gore almost winning in 2000, it seemed only logical to later nominate duller Kerry. Ah, but no. You might find that Joe the Advisor (fmr. Plumber) and your pleisticine tax-cut-based economic growth model that failed over the past eight years will fail now, too.
It also seems equally logical to imitate the victors, but strangely enough, “change” isn’t skin deep. Owing to their propensity to investigate rationale, the public discovers and is thusly infuriated by political figures who do not “walk the walk” but simply “talk the talk.” On such occasion, you will note that “change” is more than mere breasts or melanin. This is an understandable mistake and realizing it is a key step toward betterment.
While many of you flaccidly trawl the halls of government, others have found yourselves of the more unemployed persuasion. It is certainly regrettable that you have no job and that none are available now because of you, but you should resist the temptation to view this predicament as negative. Joblessness provides the opportunity to pursue passions which have been heretofore unexplored. Mr. Stevens, you may, while imprisoned, finally get a chance to experience the virtues of Mohammed. Mr. Coleman, you may again grow out your "freak flag", slap on some Jefferson Airplane, and (allegedly) smoke some purple. But, if like Mr. Cheney, retirement doesn't suit you, I have an aunt who runs an employment agency down in Houston who can set you up with a temp position. Holly (that's my aunt) has found that former legislators are well equipped for hours of filing.
You needn't worry forever. You will have your day again. After all, we're democrats. We're bound to fail again some time. It's kind of what we excel at. Until then, remember: you fucked it all up, and we beat you.
